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Schroeder, Ron (ed.) / The Wisconsin engineer
Volume 61, Number 6 (March 1957)

Static,   pp. 98-100 ff.

Page 98

                 The E.E.'s Lament
        Through the smoke and ozone fumes
          The student slowly rises,
        His hair is singed, his face is black,
          His partner he despises.
        He shakes his head and says to him
          With words so softly spoken,
        "The last thing that you said to me
          'I'm sure the switch is open'."
                       * * *
  An engineer from the Bronx was wandering on the
Sahara Desert, clad only in his shorts, when he met
an Arab astride a camel.
  "Where," asked the Arab, "might you be headed?"
  "For a swim." responded the Bronx engineer.
  "A swim!" was the astonished reply. "Why the ocean
is 800 miles from here."
  The engineer blinked. "Eight hunnert miles! Wow!
Is dis a beach!"
  A politician was campaigning for Indian vote in one
of our western states. He promised schools for the
Indians. He promised colleges for the Indians. The
crowd stood up and all yelled "HOYA!" Heartened by
the response he laid aside his prepared speech and
promised better roads, hospitals for each tribe, and low
taxes Ad Nauseum. Again and again the Indians stood
up and shouted "Hoya! Hoya!"
  When he finished the speech he toured the reserva-
tion. When they were taking a short cut across a pas-
ture the guide warned him, "It's all right, but be care-
ful, we pasture our cattle and horses here. Don't step
in the hoya."
  A big buick Indian had just ordered a ham sandwich
at a darug counter and was peering between the slices
of l)rea(d when he turned to the waiter, "Ugh, you slice
r1n1 ban?"
  The waiter replied, "Yes, I sliced the ham."
  "Ugb," grunted the Indian, "You damn near miss
  In the dark of night two safe-breakers entered a
bank. One approached the safe, sat down on the floor,
took off his shoes and socks and started to turn the dial
of the safe with his toes.
  "What's the matter with you?" said his pal, "Let's
open this thing and get out of here."
  "Naw, it'll take only a minute longer this way, and
we'll drive them fingerprint experts nuts."
  Everything has been done that could be done to
make the meeting a success. A large hall and a good
speaker had been engaged. When the speaker arrived
he seemed to be in a crabby frame of mind. Looking
around he beckoned to the chairman.
  "I would like to have a glass of water on my table,
if you please," he said.
  "To drink?" was the chairman's idiotic reply.
  "Oh, no," was the sarcastic retort, "when I've been
speaking for a half-hour I do a high dive."
                      * * *
  Walking with a friend one day, a professor passed
a large fish shop where a fine catch of codfish with
mouths open and eyes staring were arranged in a row.
The prof suddenly stopped, looked at them, and clutch-
ing his friend by the arm exclaimed: "Heavens! That
reminds me, I have a class in EE this hour."
                      * ** ß
  Seven-year-old Michael, who had a reputation as a
little terror, had just finished his first summer vacation
at his grandfather's farm. Back in the city, one of the
neighbors asked him about his holiday and especially
about his grandfather.
  "Oh, he's great," responded Michael. "We played a
swell game every day. Late each afternoon he'd row
me out in the middle of Claytor Lake, throw me over
the side of the boat and let me swim ashore."
  "Claytor Lake?" gasped the neighbor. "That's a big
lake. Wasn't that a hard game for such a little fellow
as you?"
  "I'll say it was," said Michael, "But the hardest part
was getting out of the sack."

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