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I Can Only Remember  23
What am I
a mother, a wife, a widow? Or a black-haired girl in my brother's pants running
down a path barefoot through pine woods.
Relatives say I was always laughing I can only remember fear, nightmares,
disappointments, uncertainties.
I can remember stealing hard money
from my mother's purse.
I can remember my father
gathering up little packets of chocolate cigarettes
after he had thrown them aside.
I had put them around his place at the table
at his birthday breakfast.
I can remember coming home late and my mother surprising my best woman friend
sitting on the floor outside the downstairs lavatory while Danny Ryan threw
up.
Relatives say I was always laughing.