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Kasum, Emil (ed.) / The Wisconsin engineer
Volume 52, Number 1 (October 1947)

Woodburn, J.
Static,   pp. 20-35


Page 20


S-t-a-t-i-c
         by J. Woodburn
  Civil Engineering Professor: "Describe the mechanism
of a steam shovel."
  Frosh Engineer: "Don't kid me, you can't carry steam
on a shovel."
                     ,    *    *
  Lecturer in new building on campus: "When the room
settles down I will begin my lecture . . . Now watch the
blackboard while I run through it again."
                     *    *    *
  "Your girl is spoiled, isn't she?"
  "No, it's just the perfume she is wearing."
                     *    *    *
  Preacher's daughter: "Good morning, God"
  Co-ed: "Good God, MORNING!"
  College education for women is futile. If they're pretty
it's unnecessary; if they're not, it's inadequate.
                     *    *    *
         Under the swinging street car strap
         The homely co-ed stood,
         And stood and stood and
         Stood and stood and stood.
                     *    *    *
  Observation: Of all labor-saving devices ever invented
for women, none has ever been so popular as a devoted
man.
                     *    *    *
  "When I was a lad about two years old my mother hired
a nurse girl to wheel me about in my baby carriage, and
I have been pushed for money ever since."
                     *    *    *
  The trouble between capital and labor is that too many
people are trying to get capital without the necessary
labor.
                     *    *    *
  A bolt is a stick of hard metal like iron, with a square
chunk on one end and scratchings wound around the
other. A nut is the same thing only opposite, being just
a hole with the wrinkles around the inside of it.
                     *    *    *
     They cut down the old apple tree
         That blossomed each spring by the door
     And Rover missed it since that very day
         Though he had never missed it before.
                    *    *    *
  Girls without principal draw considerable interest.
I once had a classmate named Jessar
Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser.
      It at last grew so small
      He knew nothing at all
And now he's an engineering professor.
             *    *    *
A hug is energy gone to waist.
                  *    *
*
  Newspapers are like women: They have forms, back
numbers are not in demand, they have a great deal of in-
fluence, they always have the last word, there's small de-
mand for the bold faced type, you can't believe everything
they say, they are worth looking over, and every man
should have one and not borrow his neighbor's.
                     *    *    *
  Massey says: "Cold working is working while in the
cold state."
  I would say, "It was working while in the cold."
                     *    *     *
  Slide rules don't make mistakes, just slips.
                     *    *     *
  Marriage is like a cafeteria: You grab something now
and pay for it later.
                     *    *     *
  Married men don't live longer. It just seems longer.
                     *    *    *
  Beer is like the sun. It rises in the yeast and sets in the
vest.
                     *    *     *
  A bathing suit-like a barbed wire fence-is designed
to protect the property without obstructing the view.
                     *    *     *
  Two spinsters met on the street and began to talk about
their respective churches.
  "I understand," said one spinster, "that at your church
the attendance is very small. Is that so?"
  "Yes, I'm sorry to say it is," replied her friend. "There
are so few people there on Sunday that when the rector
says 'Dearly Beloved' you feel as if you had received a
proposal."
                     *    *     *
  A Frenchman came to London to learn the language.
and soon got into difficulties with his pronunciation, espe-
cially with the group comprising "though," "plough,"
and
"trough."
  When the film of "Cavalcade" began its run, and one
newspaper review was headed "'Cavalcade' Pronounced
Success," the Frenchman went back home.
THE WISCONSIN ENGINEER
20


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