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Ketchum, Paul M. (ed.) / The Wisconsin engineer
Volume 42, Number 5 (February 1938)

Ears, Engin
"Static",   p. 96


Page 96


"STATIC"
                   by ENGIN EARS
  Nice, clean sheet of paper in the typewriter. Surprising
what a lot of things you can think of other than what
you're trying to think about when you've got a-blank piece
of paper in the typewriter. Ring the bell several times, set
the stops, put them back where they were, and then tap
the keys in rhythm with the radio . . . which is turned off.
  We suppose everyone got through final exams with fly-
ing colors. Red ink, green around the gills, black-and-blue
feeling . . . very colorful, indeed.
  We wish we could remember the name of the fellow we
saw last June writing an E.E. 112 final with his alarm
clock, which he'd brought along, standing on the desk in
front of him.
  We've learned to sympathize a little with those who
have to make out exam questions, too. We're thinking of
one professor who asked his class to formulate a question
of their own and answer it. Most of the boys had more
trouble with that than with any of the other questions.
                          0
  A chiropractor is a man who gets paid for what any
other man would get slapped for.-Shamrock.
Figure It Out for Yourself Department:
  John Marston's suggestion at the last Tau Beta Pi meet-
ing to appoint a standing committee to sit on the faculty.
  Officer to ROTC freshman: "That line is as crooked as
a dog's hind leg. Fall out, all of you, and have a look at
it."-Technical Record.
                          0
  Prof. 0. L. Kowalke borrowed Professor Williams', of
the physical chemistry department, text book, "Outlines
of Theoretical Chemistry" by Getman and Daniels, about
six years ago. The book as yet has not been returned.
(Professor Williams is wondering, I suppose, whether
after seven years he can legally lay claim to the book.)
                         0
  "The fine supper tonight was prepared by our 'chief
mucker,' George Billings . . . Stand up, George," spake
Grange (who wished to flatter the cook by singling him
out to the guest speaker at the Mining club meeting).
There was no reply . . . no George. "Does anyone know
where George is?"
  A voice, "Yeh, he's out to lunch."
                         0
  One of our E.E. professors refers to hydraulics as the
science in which you set up formulas with constants in
them and then write whole books about how the constants
vary.
  Here's a short short story we've been interested in fol-
lowing around from the New York University Quad-
rangle to the Iowa Engineer and a few other places:
Molecule You Sweetheart
  Professor Plusorminus One was amiably picking dandy-
lines of force in a magnetic field in the Physics building.
He was silently humming to himself "Who's Asquared of
the Big Bad Root" as he gently nursed atomic ache. His
assistant, young Modulus, stepped down into the room as
if in a transformer. "Why insulate?" queried the profes-
sor.
  "Am insolate? Don't torque," answered Modulus, "I
was out last night to a density and got into a Hell of a
mass.
  "It's the thermal story again," answered the professor,
becoming heated. "When a little P-V like you starts run-
ning around in cycles!"
  "Magnerts," young Modulus cried. "My sweetheart is
coming to the city and I was centimeter. She hasn't de-
rived yet. When she comes I'll be king Faraday."
  "Are you marrying for harmonic?" asked the professor.
"And, by the way, when is the wedding?"
  "I'll oscillator," came back his answer.
  "Vibrate?" the professor demanded. "Do it now!"
  "I spectra any minute." Suddenly the door opened and
dynamic young Equilibria breezed into the room.
  "I'm solenoid at you," she cried to her sweetheart.
"You've driven me to diffraction!"
  "Who is dispersion?" Professor One asked.
  "I'll trouble you to be more polite inductance to my
sweetheart!" Modulus cried.
  "Is this effect?" the professor retorted. "I happen to
know about it through Voltage Vinchell. I hear you're
expecting a blessed momentum!"
  "Yes, I went shopping for baby clothes yesterday," she
replied.
  "I kinetics physics percent less at Macy's," Modulus
told her. "But, sweetheart, I haven't seen you for so long.
Take me by force of gravity!"
  "I can never B. T. U. more than a sister," she said.
  "However that may be," concluded Modulus, "you're
still my mechanical equivalent of heat."
  Somewhere-we
ably itching to get
we're itching to let
can't imagine why-someone is prob-
a chance to work on this page. And
you, so drop around sometime.
The Wisconsin Engineer
  -
,~ Av  ,  Ir<.e)
\S. C
. \
1
Pa-e 9)6


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