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Matthias, F. T. (ed.) / The Wisconsin engineer
Volume 33, Number VI (March 1929)

Perry, T. H.
This chap Hoover,   p. 200


Page 200


The WISCONSIN ENGINEER
               This Chap Hoover
            A Communication to the Engineers of America
as Received by The Wisconsin Engineer from St. Pat and Translated
                              By T. H. PERRY, c'31
  WXXT ELL, a shyster started the whole thing by in-
  V V       suiting me - - inferring that the only reason I
succeeded in driving the snakes out of Ireland was that
they were too high-hat to live on the same island with me.
     FIG. 1: They put me in the hoosegow for a month.
So I dealt with him as an engineer should and wrapped my
harp around his neck. They put me in the hoosegow
for a month and seemed to be real put out about me.
  "Anyhow the jailkeeper came around just as I was
determining whether I or the bars could exert the greater
bending moment, and gave me some newspapers. In one
of them I found a discussion concerning a recent pres-
dential election in America.  It seems that they have at
least had the intelligence to elect for president, one of
my adopted sons, a chap by the name of Hoover. After
having twenty-eight presidents, of which there were nineteen
shysters, four politicians (the same thing) three soldiers,
one editor, and one teacher, they got disgusted with that
sort of rabble and are placing some real talent in the
White House. This worthy follower of mine attracted
my interest, and after reading more about him I respect
him a whole lot. Of course he didn't have any snakes
to worry about; but he certainly solved his problems in a
fine way.
  "His father was a blacksmith among the tall corn of
Ioway. He died while young Hoover was still a boy, so
this orphan was brought up by his relatives. He had few
opportunities, studying by himself in order to enter a uni-
versity some time.  He worked out of doors a lot and
liked to fish.
  "When he went to a dentist one day he noticed a collec-
tion of minerals and became attracted to them. From then
on he determined to know something about mineralogy.
  "One of his uncles ran a school out in Oregon. Here
Hoover was sent to study and work in a strict Quaker
atmosphere. Later he took the entrance examinations for
Leland Stanford and flunked them hoplessly. Cracking the
books again, he showed such promise that the faculty al-
lowed him to enter the Pioneer class of this new institution.
  "He was penniless. In the winter time he maintained a
laundry agency and in the summer time the U. S. Geolog-
ical Survey employed him. He managed concerts, fell in
love with a sorority girl, organized the university athletics,
received a "Con" in English, went to the Senior Ball, and
was given the sheepskin in '95 as broke as when he had
entered.
  "The next few years Hoover was given all the oppor-
tunity which had been previously withheld from him.
After working on the coast for the famous Janin, he was
offered a position by a wealthy mining company of
London. They asked Janin to send a man of experience
at least thirty-three years of age. Hoover was twenty-three
at the time but managed to grow a beard on the way over
FIG. 2: In the winter time he maintained a laundry agency.
to London. He was sent into Australia as a "trouble
shooter" for the failing mines owned by the wealthy
Londoners. The region was arid, desolate, and living
conditions terrible. Hoover organized new methods, ordered
                (Continued on page 230)
nrnI II DI
I1X
L_
Volume 3 3, No. 6
200


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