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Meyer, Wallace (ed.) / The Wisconsin magazine
Volume XIII, Number 5 (February 1916)

Nuzum, Ralph E.
Current doings in doggerel,   pp. Thirty-one-Thirty-two

Page Thirty-two

Prof. Ely has advised a course
In hard routine gymnastics.
So co-eds can get discipline
Like men in fighting tactics.
Old crew men have brought up again
Their arguments for rowing;
The old shell game
Of Hudson fame
Is still alive and growing.
The old maids' leap year list is out,
And since our profs are stupid
The ones who are not married yet
Will shortly hear from cupid.
Advisors tell their thesis men
They must be up and humping,
But all that stuff
Is just a bluff
To keep the seniors jumping.
Prof. Miller says that as a kid
He always got a slamming
For stuffing things at Christmas time,
Yet still he urged our cramming.
Prof. Kahlenburg thinks cramming up
Is neither good nor lasting;
He hopes his lambs
Approach exams
With lots of prayers and fasting.
Our "men without a residence"
Are in a sad position,
But we can't let them live with us;
They wouldn't pay tuition.
When fussing at Das Deutsche Haus
A. Cantu should be certain,
So he won't bore'
The bunch next door,
To please pull down the curtain.
In four more months a lot of us
Will lose our loved illusions,
And after roughing it awhile
Will reach some real conclusions.
A business man informs us boys
To cut off our mustaches;
He says they're bad,
And make folks mad
Except when making mashes.
Some students want arrangements
 With men like Mister Borden
 So they can still get malted milks
 Across the river Jordan.
 John Commons says lhe can't adjust
 Industrial relations,
 And wants to sit
 And rest a bit
 From his investigations.
               -Ralph E. Nuzum.

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