23

School started, and at the same time the candidates enrolled for confirmation classes. There were quite a number of them. Åsne Bakken and Signe Moen and Olav Bringa among others, and Per Bufast. Per was nervous about being with them again.

It turned out to be nothing to worry about; there was no more of what he had felt that past spring. Åsne looked at him calmly, and he was able to look calmly back. They were friends and busy with lessons.

They often felt solemn about being prepared for confirmation, yet it was impossible to find out why. There was something solemn about it; none of them tried to make fun of it.

At school Åsne was the center of attraction, now as before. She did not dislike it; you could see that. She was even wilder and noisier than the boys, so they idolized her. The girls were jealous of her, and taunts were often exchanged.

Sometimes Per would be startled to feel that it had not gone. With the passing of time it certainly had not gone. It made him strangely glad and strangely depressed.

Olav sat at Per's side daydreaming.

"Olav," whispered Per.

Olav gave a start. "What is it?" he said, blushing.

"Nothing."

The teacher unrolled the big map of Europe. "Olav, will you come here and show us on the map what you know about England."

At once Åsne turned to Olav with a smile. Olav groped his way to the front.

Per felt as if he had swallowed something strange, and saw a dim shadow pass in front of his eyes. Olav had let Åsne know about his mark. Anger and sorrow rose inside him.

Olav stood stammering and knew practically nothing about England that day. Per felt it served Olav right to stand there being stupid. He tried to catch Åsne's eye across the desks. He managed it; she was as open and frank towards him as to the others. Then she turned back to the map.

Per couldn't make her out.

"What's the matter?" asked Olav when he came back to the desk.

Per did not answer. His friendship with Olav was hanging by a hair.

There was no showdown afterwards. It did not occur to Per; it was too painful to talk about.

It receded, the matter of Olav, as so much receded. At any rate it went to rest somewhere like a deposit at the bottom. One thing after another sank down to rest there. You tried to be careful and not stir it up again.

So he did not lose Olav. He and Olav would stick together always. Many times it was his salvation to remember that when he was torn by puzzling sensations. He was torn by futile thirst and longing.

At home the routine continued as before. The only difference was that Åsmund had started school that year. Per helped him with his simple little pieces of homework. Åsmund made friends who came to Bufast on Sundays. Per was not invited to join them; they played together and seemed to manage very well on their own. Sometimes Per joined them just the same and was astonished at how grateful they were. They became twice as enthusiastic; the game was given new interest and turned into a new game. Per felt touched and grateful himself. He could not understand it; he had always been the eldest.

The Holy Spirit was often in his thoughts.

He had so many Bible stories and explanations to read that winter, and it sank in whether he wanted it to or not. Strict Jehovah, and Christ before whom he felt so shy---he hurried over them in order to stop and rest with the Holy Spirit.

Not that he understood a word of what was preached and presented to him, but sometimes he had felt something within himself that was as delicate and as quickly gone as a Holy Spirit ought to be.

They sat for long hours in the pastor's office. It was warm there, and the air seemed terribly dry, while outside it was snowing. They sat stiffly, repeating their homework to the creaking accompaniment of the pastor's chair.

Dull homework. Per felt empty, yet solemn. The girls sat on the bench nearest the stove. Laughing, adored Åsne sat strange and solemn. Some of them sat listening in amazement, with astonished expressions. The heavy spring snow had stopped falling and simply hung in the cherry branches outside the window.

The chair creaked.

Per tried to push out everything that haunted his mind and cling to the thought of the Holy Spirit reverently and long, while his head throbbed and ached. Beside him, Olav looked at him with empty eyes.

With all his heart he wished for what it seemed he could not have: something for this thirst and hollowness in his breast.

This Spirit! Only a touch of flame. Help me! he thought.